My Struggles

Monday was the day that I have been waiting for for a very long time. It was the moment in which determined how my future will help to play out. Monday was the day that I finally had my first OB appointment in which I scheduled over three months ago. NOW before you all get excited and thinking that I am expecting this is NOT true. Let me back track....about a year...

Around a year ago I started experiencing very sharp pains in my lower abdomen. Pain so extreme at times that I find myself laying in bed in the fetal position. At one point in time I had even gone to the emergency room the pain was so bad, unfortunately they didn't even do any tests only sent me home with some medication for the pain. Over the summer I had made a series of appointments with my doctor to address this ongoing pain. The doctor came to the idea that I may have potential endometriosis. She sent me for blood work and an ultrasound all of which came back fine and after that everything came to a halt for a while. 

This past fall I finally decided to make the move and make an apt with an OB whom my mom recommended to me. I had had enough of going in circles with this and I wanted some answers. If you know about endometriosis then you know that there are different spectrums of it. You may have very little of it and have severe pain or you may have a lot it and have very little pain, some women are able to have children, some have difficulties and it may take them years, and other women are unable to have children. There are no real "cures" for this most times doctors will recommend birth control because the hormones can alleviate the pain, but since I have already been on this for several years this is not necessarily an option for me. The only real way to find out if you have this is to have laporscopic surgery in which they may scrape it out and remove it altogether as well. 

Anyways.... I got sick of playing the waiting game. I cant tell you how many the fact of just not knowing got to me and got me down. I wanted answers. I wanted to know if I would ever know what is wrong. I wanted to know if I would have to take motrin forever just to take care of the pain. Jason and I plan on spending the rest of our lives together and I wanted to know if there was a chance that we were ever going to be able to have children together. Do we have a chance at all? Will it be difficult? There was a point in time where I felt he may leave if we couldnt have children, I knew he wanted more, I knew he wanted Bailey to have brothers and sisters. I would get so discouraged that there were girls out there who could get pregnant no problem with people they did not even care about and did not even want the pregnancy. I got upset that people out there could have something so special that they could take for granted so much and here I am not knowing if I may ever have that for myself. 

Monday was a great step in this direction. I found a great doctor who finally understands everything that I am going through. Without a question she set up for me to have the surgery coming up here soon. And with her assurance once she does the surgery it should take care of the problem if not permanently for a while and it will help increase my chances of having babies. I can finally say it's not something that I want to cry about and throw my phone across the room. Instead its something that I can smile about and I cant wait to see what comes next in this long road for me.